Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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