He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
