I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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