He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
