I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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