I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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