if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
