she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
