Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just gift wrapped bread.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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