my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
