That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ttyl tear gas
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
