hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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