How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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