If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
