Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
