Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
