I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
