I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
