he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
