i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
