I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
