I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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