her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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