is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
