hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
