he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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