Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
