Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
