I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
