I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
