i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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