There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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