it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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