the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
