The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
