i permit you to call me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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