if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm both gender and math confused
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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