he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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