One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
