i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So vagazzling was a success
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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