Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
