cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
