It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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