I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
