I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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