Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
