I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
