therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
