my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
