and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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