I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
