OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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