Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
