I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
