At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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