we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
