So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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