I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
