If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
