She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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