if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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