he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
