please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my sisters under your porch take her home
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
